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by Bamboo Dong,⏎Horizon in the Middle of Nowhere ⏎ Rating: 1 (out of 5) ⏎ In the future, Earth has diversified its population. It now plays host to delightful creatures like buck-naked (but genital-less) incubi, puffy slime ball creatures, and… maybe angels? The human population has also evolved to only include two types of women: flat-chested ones, and those with breasts swollen to cranial proportions. How everyone got to that point is a bit of a mystery. By mystery, I mean that the writers offered a few words of explanation, but chances are, don't really know themselves. Basically, at one point, Earth became so ecologically devastated that humans had to live in sky colonies. But war broke out, and that world also fell to ruin. Forced to live once again on a now feral planet, the inhabitants decide to recreate history by creating two livable areas, so that they can once again reach the point in humanity where they have their sky colonies again… ⏎ I think? ⏎ As far as one can tell, there's some hullabaloo about how the two inhabitable areas are just like Warring States-era Japan, but there's more wars. Or something. Basically, I think the writers just wanted an excuse to have the story vaguely set in some alternate universe Sengoku period, except with demons and blob creatures, and a spell-casting system that lets warriors launch attacks by pulling up virtual cards. ⏎ For as convoluted as the backstory is, the first episode is more of just a meet-and-greet with the large cast of characters. They're tasked with the challenge of chasing down their PE teacher and hitting her by any means necessary. Via their virtual placards, the students launch a myriad of attacks, to the dismal boredom of the audience. Rarely have I seen an action scene that is so relentlessly pointless. The only interesting thing that happens comes at the end of the episode, when a young man announces that he's going to ask out a girl on the anniversary of the death of someone named Horizon. Who's Horizon? No clue, but she may or may not be in the middle of nowhere. ⏎ Which is exactly where the story is. The middle of nowhere. The episode plays out like a doodle in a middle schooler's math notebook, filled with scrawls of fun characters, but with nowhere to be, and nothing to do. First episodes are often awkward, so maybe Horizon will pull itself from the quagmire, but the outlook is dire. ⏎ Horizon in the Middle of Nowhere is available streaming at The Anime Network. ⏎ Kimi to Boku ⏎ Rating: 2 (out of...