Shelf Life

The Triumphant Return

What is it, April now? Long time no see, folks. No, I haven't been carted off the face of the earth, nor have I been swallowed into the yawning abyss of the planet. I have been a little swamped with schoolwork though, so I've been delinquent about doing Shelf Life. To that, I apologize greatly. If you're planning on throwing food in my general direction, please do so though, since dinner wasn't very good tonight. Anyway, to make up for the lack of Shelf Lives, this week's installment is going to be a special highlights edition. Picking out some of the best (and of course, the worst) that the past month has had to offer, I hope you'll indulge me as I remind you to pry open your wallets and go for the hottest trend of the year: Food? Who needs food? Let's all go on the anime diet!

Welcome to Shelf Life.

Shelf Worthy Columbia Tristar 91 min. 1/1 $26.96 04/13/2004 Over the past decade, famed director Tokyo Godfathers is anything short of amazing. Weaving emotion and action into the imposing backdrop that is Tokyo, it's a touching film that can be enjoyed by anime fans of all types. In the peace of Christmas, three unlikely characters make our acquaintance: an old drunk, a drag queen, and a teen runaway. They stumble upon an abandoned baby, and it is then that their lives change forever. Instead of turning the baby over to the authorities, they embark on a journey to track down the parents, with only a locker key for a clue. As they travel, viewers get a glimpse into their life and the histories that they've had to live. With the same surrealistic charm as a Sabine Weiss work, it plunges the audience into a sea of intrigue and heart-touching solidarity. If you haven't seen this movie yet, make sure to put this on your list.

Texhnolyze Vol. #1 – Inhumane and Beautiful Geneon 100 min. $29.98 04/06/2004 Prepare to be tossed into a world of vicious beauty and raw drama. Prepare to be on your toes, lost between the realm of confusion, intrigue, and complete awe. Combining the ethereal art direction that has always characterized Texhnolyze is a universe of its own. Taking place in a dank underground city, viewers are introduced to a young man lost in the violent struggles of the city. After getting his limbs chopped off and his body pumped full of lead, all seems to have been lost until a stranger pops into town. How the motley cast of characters influence each other's lives remains a mystery even after the first disc, as viewers gasp for air and understanding in this heady drama. Even without any known storyline as of yet, the series is so gripping that it's almost impossible to tear your eyes away. Wildly experimental, the nature of the series seems almost like a macrocosm of the events happening in the underground city—a desolate place that can only be reached after descending stairs for weeks. This ain't yo mama's anime.

Comic Party Vol. #1 TRSI 115 min. $29.95 03/30/2004 Not since the glorious days of doujinshi. Dragged by a friend to a local comic convention, he gets thrown into the world of doujinshi, from drawing it, to printing it, to publishing it, to selling it at conventions. Filled with a plethora of priceless side characters (including an anime-quoting, melodramatic soap boxer), there's always something in this show that makes you smile and think to yourself, “yeah... I know someone like that... ” A show that every self-proclaimed anime/manga nerd needs to watch, Comic Party is a freakishly fun, yet educational, adventure that no one should miss.

Media Blasters 675 min. $149.95 03/30/2004 Ask any Shishio. With revenge burning in his soul, the latter serves as Kenshin's Final Boss for the arc. Before that battle can be fought however, Kenshin needs to find a way to get his old hitokiri edge back, all while staying true to his pacifist ideals. Packed with slick fight scenes and one of the best soundtracks in the entire series, this arc is not something that should be missed. If you were turned off by the slapstick humour of the earlier arc, give this series another try. Drama, action, suspense... if this doesn't make you a Kenshin fan, nothing will.

Rental Shelf Tenchi Muyo! GXP Vol. #1 – Out of this World FUNimation 180 min. 1/? $24.98 03/09/2004 Is the Tenchi Tenchi Muyo! all the fans knew and loved, except with a whole new story and a whole new cast. If you liked the original Tenchi, then you already know what to do. For everyone else... well, there's a first time for everything. Give it a whirl and see what you think.

Wedding Peach Vol. #1 - Love Wave ADV Films 150 min. 1/9 $29.98 03/09/2004 If I told you that there was a magical show out there where junior high school girls transform into brides to protect the virtues of love, you'd probably laugh and walk away. It'd be a shame though, because it really does deserve a good chance. Embodying every David's Bridal that will be pretty hard to forget anytime soon.

Puni Puni Poemy Vol. #1 ADV Films 60 min. $29.98 04/06/2004 Ouch, my brain. It bleeds for fandom. Like any joke that's gone on for far too long, Excel Saga, it takes the zaniness and anime in-jokes that made the other series so popular and just keeps running with it until all forms of transportation have broken down. Our heroine is a magical girl whose parents were killed by evil space invaders. Aided by a gaggle of women and legendary Excel Saga characters of yore, Poemi Watanabe fights Bad Guys with whatever odd weapon is at hand. Whether it's bombarding aliens with water balloons, or frolicking around with an assortment of lesbians, she's a spunky gal that any fan of Excel would enjoy. Like its predecessor, this series has its share of laugh out loud moments, but also like its predecessor, it's a show meant to be watched in a group. For a fun bout of hysterics and good times with friends or a local anime club, this show will have everyone rolling. If you're just watching it by yourself though, it gets really old after a while. Still, it certainly is something you should experience at some point in your life, but if you want to enjoy it to the max, bring people.

Central Park Media 300 min. 1/1 $79.99 04/13/2004 I can't fathom why in the world Central Park Media would release an Anime Test Drive DVD of the first episode... and then sell the entire series as a box set. Why would anyone buy a box set of an anime series they've never seen before based on one episode? Ugh. To be fair, NARUE, the show doesn't waste any time beating around the bush. First episode: an alien attacks, NARUE saves the day, she meets a boy, and they fall in love. For the remaining episodes, our new couple go to the following patented anime locations: arcade, beach, festival, wedding, and an anime-related brouhaha (not necessarily in that order). Overall, it's a cute show, but everything in it's been done before. Every last drop of the series is a rehash of something everyone's already seen, and if that's your thing, go ahead and drop the $80. Otherwise, your best bet would be to hope that M is planning on releasing the discs individually.

Galaxy Angel Vol. #1 - What's Cooking? Limited Edition + Artbox Bandai 105 min. 1/? $59.98 03/16/2004 Galaxy Angel Vol. #1 - What's Cooking? + Artbox Bandai 105 min. 1/? $39.98 03/16/2004 Galaxy Angel Vol. #1 - What's Cooking? Bandai 105 min. 1/? $29.98 03/16/2004 Quirky and brainless, this show runs off of pure momentum and energy. It is for that reason that I challenge anyone to sit through this show and not crack at least one smile. With a wide cast of cute (stereotypic, and sometimes jail-bait) girls, episodes full of trivial excuses for a plot, and a completely aimless story, this show makes you realize that you don't have to have quality to entertain an audience. Created by the folks at SD faces), this is the kind of show that let's you enjoy the lighter side of anime without having to be bombarded by the bouncing breasts and sex jokes that so heavily litter anime nowadays. If you're on the lookout for something intelligent that ponders the human existence, this is definitely not for you. If you're looking for good, clean, sci-fi twinged fun though, look no further.

Perishable Items Arcade Gamer Fubuki Central Park Media 140 min. 1/1 $29.99 03/09/2004 Unlike Comic Party, this show sucks. If I were still in my “OMG DDR!!!” days, I might have enjoyed this show a bit more, but in all honesty, there's only one demographic this show could ever appeal to—hardcore arcade gamers. By hardcore, I mean serious har'kor,' like holding the high score for every machine in the arcade and camping out next to the new Para Para Paradise machine until you could A++ Velfarre 2000. To everyone else, they'll just be shaking their head sadly at the outdated games, the unimpressive animation, and the ludicrously unfunny hypercharged story. Fubuki is a girl with the dream of becoming the Best Arcade Gamer in the World! Not only has she spent ungodly amounts of time at the arcade practicing, but she also has a secret weapon on her side—a pair of souped-up power panties that unleashes the ultimate gamer within. She'd better watch out though, because there's someone trying to stop her from achieving her dream! An evil Video Game demon thing is sending its lackey (also bedecked in riced-up panties) out to make sure that he's the only thing controlling the world of video games. *sigh* With the breakneck speed that this show pushes itself at, serious gamers and those easily amused will find lots to laugh about. For the rest of us though, Arcade Gamer Fubuki gets really old really fast (and that's not even counting the é games featured in it). Panty shots and video games? It just doesn't do the trick.

Image Entertainment 73 min. 1/1 $24.99 04/06/2004 Have you ever thought to yourself, “Man, I really wish I could play a video game right now. Except I'm too lazy to pick up a controller, too lazy to watch a friend pick up a controller, and hell, I'm too lazy to think.” Galerians: Rion is perfect for you. Based off the game with the same name, Galerians is a choppy-looking 3D CG show that a generic storyline and negative punch. Somewhere in the far future, a giant computer with a saviour complex has taken over the world and is sending a bunch of alien-things called Galerians out to kill everything. Luckily, the planet is saved when some scrawny little kid comes along with his Super Awesome Psychic Powers and pwnzes everything in his path. More bad guys are sent out. More Super Awesome Psychic Damage is dealt. Repeat. Yawn. To make it worse, the CG characters move like an old version of the Sims, so it's just double the insult. If you want something to stave off some time, go play Pong or something. It'd be more suited to anyone's tastes.

Mouse Vol. #1 – Stealing Temptation Media Blasters 90 min. 1/? $19.95 04/13/2004 Throughout the entire DVD, only one thing was on my mind... From Media Blasters, I present to you fanservice shots no matter where the viewer seeks refuge. For an entire disc, our sly thief gallivants around the world, meowing sex toys in tow. It would almost be funny if it weren't for the fact that the plots are blasé and the breasts overshadow everything in the show. If you're looking for a fanservicey show, I'm sure you can find something a bit classier than this tripe.

That's it for this installment of Shelf Life! See you next week (for sure!)!