Shelf Life

Children of the Con

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of being invited to Anime Iowa. Before I got there, I was only expecting three things: cows, crop circles, and farmers named Jeb, having never set foot in Des Moines before. Man alive, was I wrong! Not only did the restaurant a block away from the hotel have the world's best (blue) cream soda, but Anime Iowa was also one of the funnest conventions I'd ever been to. It's been ages since I'd gone to a small convention, and I'd forgotten how blissfully relaxing it was to just bum around a hotel, talk with random people at four in the morning about ramen, and realize again how darned cool it is to have an entire hotel filled with people who all have the same hobby as you.

The only thing that made the whole experience better was the fact that all the convention attendees and staffers were incredibly sweet. Over the years, one or two of the smaller conventions I've gone to have slowly started stocking themselves with bitchy staffers and power-tripping bastards (okay, okay, in the minority, but boy, do they stink up a con!), so it was amazingly refreshing to bask in the friendly crowd of Des Moines. The Hotel Fort Des Moines, or Ho-Fo-De-Mo, as lovingly called by the attendees, is incredibly pimp and posh, and boy, did I feel like a princess for a few nights.

I've been to dozens of fun and wonderful conventions in the past several years, but I never expected to stumble upon such a jewel in the middle of cow country. If any of y'all ever find yourself in the Midwest, hit up Anime Iowa—there's no crop circles, but there's plenty of friendly people who, I'm sure, could be enticed to go make some with you.

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Area 88 DVD 1 - Treacherous Skies ADV Films 75 min. 1/? $29.98 07/19/2005 When it comes to aerial combat, Yugo the Negotiator. It may be the strong pull of the character drama, but if you like shows about grown-ups, watch Yugo. I can't recommend that show enough. Tastes Like: Blue cream soda!! Cream soda is a staple of the American Beverage Selection, but put a new spin on it, and I'm all over it.

Mythical Detective Loki Ragnarok DVD 1 - God & Detectives ADV Films 100 min. 1/? $29.98 10/18/2005 Attention to all girls (or guys) who have a predilection for little boys: your shouta-fest is here. I'm not saying it's a bad thing; I'm just calling it as I see it, and I see an ever-growing throng of little boys that doesn't seem like it'll slow down anytime soon. Norse god Loki's life was torn into pieces when he was banished from the land of the gods by Odin, the Allfather. Doomed to wander amongst humans as a child with limited powers, Loki makes ends meet by running a detective agency. Business is slow until a girl shows up asking about a creepy doll with demonic eyes; after that, things get a little nuts. Now, more and more pint-sized gods are appearing out of nowhere, and a good portion of them are after his life. The first few episodes are a tad bland, but I have a suspicion that things won't stay that way for very long. For now, it's just a matter of letting Loki and his crew avoid possessed objects and spirits while more gods pop up, but each episode reveals a little bit more about Loki's predicament and raises more questions. Why was he banished from his home? How will he get back? Why is Odin trying to kill him? None of these questions are really explored in depth, but they definitely keep the story moving forward. Nothing really jumped out at me in the first disc, but I'm definitely intrigued. At this point, I don't think I can live the rest of my life until I figure out what's going to happen next! Whether you care about Norse mythology, or if you like shows about the supernatural, or if you just like little boys, give this a chance. I have a feeling it'll get addictive soon. Related Products: In of big guys trapped in little boys' bodies solving mysteries, this reminded me a lot of Case Closed, only much more steeped in mythology. Tastes Like: Clam chowder. It's really a standard sort of soup, but the more you eat it, the more you can't stop yourself until you're stuffed.

Panda-Z: The Robominal Edition DVD 1 Bandai 30 min. 1/? $19.98 09/27/2005 Panda-Z DVD 1 Bandai 30 min. 1/? $14.98 09/27/2005 $3 for every 5 minutes of laughs? I can dig it. Despite its kooky, pointless nature and its cartoonish art, Panda Z is pure awesome. Each episode is roughly five minutes long, with most of that time being taken up by the opening and ending themes. That's probably a good thing, because if the episodes were given more time, they would probably get really old, really fast. As it is, they already get a little dull after the first 45 seconds or so. After that, it's a couple of minutes of repeated jokes and humdrum variations on the gags. Luckily, the punch lines are always hysterical, so it's always worth it in the end. It helps that all the characters (and the scenarios) are incredibly cute. The vague idea of the story is that the Robonimal World is being attacked by the Warunimal Empire, so when the critters aren't busy playing poker or eating batteries, they're watching cute little Pan-Taron fight equally cute robotic bovine in his Panda-Z. These shorts obviously don't require much brain power to consume, but they're really fun for what they are. Still, the jokes do drag on a bit long, and if you're watching the show by yourself, it gets a little tiresome. The best thing to do is gather around a group of friends and watch the absurdity together; it's almost guaranteed that you'll have a good time. Related Products: This is like something that should be on Super Milk-chan, then you'll eat this up with a platinum spoon. Tastes Like: Hi-C Syrup. It's probably carcinogenic in large doses, but for all those who have ever had it, you'll agree that it gives you a really strange high that's partly sugar, and partly pain.

Hoop Days DVD 2 - Zone 2 Bandai 125 min. 2/? $29.98 08/23/2005 Watching Princess Nine, Hoop Days actually reminds me a lot more of Initial D, from its silly CG-randomness all the way to its Eurobeat. Tastes Like: Giant swirled lollipops. Nobody can take you seriously when you're licking on one of those babies, but they look so damned appetizing every time you a stand selling them!

Geneon 100 min. 1/1 $29.98 08/23/2005 It's refreshing to see a show that can flash nipples and ass every few minutes, but not fixate on them. It's even more refreshing to have them manage to weave it into the storyline without displaying anything truly offensive. Having honestly never heard of Vampire Princess Miyu whipping people anytime soon!), but the atmosphere is intense and the characters are a blast, so check it out. In the meantime, I'll be moping that they didn't make more episodes. Related Products: Vampire Princess Miyu in leather. Tastes Like: Hint of Lime Tostitos. Standard, but with a twist!

Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence - Innocence Music Video Anthology Special Bandai 42 min. 1/1 $34.98 07/11/2005 Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence - Innocence Music Video Anthology Bandai 42 min. 1/1 $24.98 07/11/2005 Even if a team of dead filmmakers were given $20 billion by the government, I don't think they could have made a more boring video. Unless you eat, breathe, and sleep Stand Alone Complex, and pick up those really freaking sweet Official Log books they're releasing. Tastes Like: Tylenol PM. Once you p— *snore*

FUNimation 125 min. 1/1 $29.98 07/05/2005 Given the lead character Erica's penchant for smacking her head on pipes and walls every few minutes, it's quite possible that she penned the script for this OVA. Its lack of coherency can only be explained by severe concussion or plain bad writing, but I really want to give the production staff the benefit of the doubt. Somewhere between the unholy mix of 3D CG artwork and 2D flat animation, there's a random jumbling of three episodes so random and disted that the only people who could possibly understand it are people who have spent every waking hours of their life analyzing all the Sakura Taisen videogames from start to finish. Supposedly, the episodes regale the quest of the Paris Fighting Troupe to stop evil. The problem is, people who haven't played the games will have zero clue who any of the characters are. They're never introduced, never expanded upon, and the last episode even goes so far as to randomly magic a girl out of thin air. Heck, the OVA even brings up some evil two-faced joker-type enemy, whose presence is never explained, resolved, or even fought. And if that doesn't make matters convoluted enough, the second episode is the most bizarre tangent ever dredged up. It wasn't until I watched the extras on the disc did I find out that it took place before the game, and somehow, it was supposed to serve as a bridge to the last episode. I don't know. I absolutely have no clue what went on in this disc. Even if you're a diehard Sakura Taisen fan, you'd be well advised to skip this. The music is deliciously wonderful and the art is oftentimes exquisite, but the story has the coherency, continuity, and time progression of a drunkard reciting Machiavelli. Don't bother. Related Products: The other Sakura Taisen shows are so much better, but if you really want to see people get rid of evil spirits in the pre-Depression era, pick up Chrono Crusade instead. Tastes Like: Mystery meat. What the heck is it? Only the butcher knows, but he's dead, chopped up, and stored in the freezer.

Thanks for reading! See you next time as we explore the wonderful world of gore, maids, porn, and all of the above rolled up into one.