Shelf Life

Study of Modern Social Homogeneity

Sometimes I wonder if the kids of today have changed from how they were ten years ago, or if it's just me that's grown up a little. When I go to the mall, I'm surprised to see ten year old girls with hundreds of dollars to spend on whatever clothes they want. When I was their age, I was lucky to have $10 at my disposal every month, and that was after mowing the lawn and raking leaves every week. It still surprises me to see them chattering on cell phones while they're walking with their friends, all wearing designer-brand clothing inspired by the latest Parisian fad (the woman, not the city), and with enough makeup on all of them to not only look in their mid-twenties, but also look the same. Were the girls around me the same way when I was growing up and I just never noticed? Or do I just live in totally different times? Have kids changed, or have parents changed?

Welcome to Shelf Life.

Media Blasters 125 min. 2/? $29.95 09/13/2005 If Comic Party for more otaku fun! Tastes Like: Hufu. Not that I've had it before, mind you, but if something reminds you of yourself, then wouldn't it tastes like your own flesh too?

Funimation 100 min. 3/3 $29.98 09/06/2005 No matter how sinister they try to make things, no matter how much bloodshed they infuse into it, Gunslinger Girls can never be anything but beautiful. The last volume of this elegant story turns its focus onto the relationship between the girls and their handlers. Touching upon themes of life and death, it explores the biggest danger to the cyborgs—the unrequited affection they feels towards their handlers. Regrettably, it also means the end of the series. The entire series has been absolutely lovely, and it's sad to see the end of it. For anyone who's been following Madlax. Tastes Like: Lemon gelato. Sweet and sour at the same time, it's a delicious treat that makes you so sad when you reach the bottom.

Elfen Lied a go. Tastes Like: Fried catfish. Sometimes it's really tasty and crispy, and at other times, you just want to drown out the fishy taste with ketchup.

Geneon 75 min. 2/4 $29.98 09/20/2005 Forget the mermaids of yore; forget the beautiful flowing hair, the beautiful voices, and the charming generosity of fairytales. According to Rumiko Takahashi Anthologies for more Takahashi one-shot action. Tastes Like: Sashimi. You know, maybe mermaid flesh would be safer if they actually cooked it, or sent it in to a lab for analyses before just munching down on it.

Sakura Diaries DVD 1- Secrets & Lies ADV Films 150 min. 1/? $29.98 09/27/2005 Someone needs to invent interactive anime DVDs where every time a character is annoying, you can kick them in the face. I would've used that option extensively in the first four episodes. Luckily, If I See You in My Dreams. Now those were some punch-worthy characters. Tastes Like: Really bony fish. You know those small flat fish that have a million bones and take half an hour just to scrape together enough meat to eat? Sometimes you just want to give up before you even get there.

Avenger DVD - Complete Collection Bandai 325 min. 1/1 $34.98 10/25/2005 Once you've recovered from the shock of hearing the most cacophonous opening theme ever performed, you can settle down for a nice rehash of science fiction themes that takes 13 episodes to go absolutely nowhere. It has the recipe down pat (Betty Kuraka's 100 Anime Classic Recipes, page 47): a tough chick who lives only for revenge and aggression, a little kid/doll/android/robot/orphan/bipedal creature who follows her around with blank eyes and does her bidding, some loud-mouthed guy who's there to fill up the time between fights, shadowy dictators, and a barren wasteland populated by domes where people huddle for comfort. The only difference is that Avenger coats the entire thing with cryptic bullshit. It's not confusing, mind you, but the script is just not good. Rather than relying on clever storytelling to pull out the plot twists and hook in viewers, the characters just babble endlessly about nondescript pronouns and mysterious codenames. Avenger isn't exactly a shining example of a smashing good time, but if you're new to the post-apocalyptic beefmaster-with-a-beef genre, it's a decent show for a low budget. The entire 13-episode disc is packed into a shiny tin, and it's conveniently priced. Other than that, give it a . Related Products: For a new twist on the post-apocalyptic genre that doesn't involve bikers or thugs, check out Gilgamesh. It replaces meat-headed bad guys with pretty boys and girls with psychic powers. Tastes Like: Flat soda. Flavor's nothing without bubbles and zest. May as well just pour it out.

Thanks for reading; see you next time!